Fabulous

This sounds like a diva thing to say, but tonight I felt fabulous. Me and one of my best friends made a silly music video for our Spanish class, which I included in this post. It was supposed to be silly, I promise. I also got invited by my lifelong camp best friend/heterosexual life partner Rebecca to a non-prom party on Saturday. The party is being hosted by Rachel Lynch, a fashion blogger who I just adore [from afar, I have yet to meet her]. My parents are still debating whether or not I will attend, but it's fun to think about anyway. I spent a long time picking out an outfit for tomorrow [photos to come], and I designed a binder for a class assignment [see yesterday's post]. I felt productive, happy [it was 80 degrees outside today!] and calmer than I have been in a while. I love indulging in things that make me feel this way. 
xxx

my video:

my binder cover:

New outlook

As an assignment for my Publications class, all of the honors kids [team leaders, editors] have to present a binder which serves as an intruction manual to our jobs. Mine included a personal letter from me, a list of what my job as a team leader entails, and some helpful hints to being a successful team leader. While creating my binder, I noticed myself reflecting on the year of school itself and realized how fast it had gone. It seems like we just started the new semester, despite the fact that we have roughly six weeks of school left. I am excited for what next year will bring, but also nervous of the unknown.
I found myself thinking petty thoughts while making this binder, but it all seems too unreal

• Will I actually look my age [18] by the time I enter senior year?
• Maybe I will actually have a good group of friends for an entire school year
• I could potentially know where I am going to college by November
• At this time next year, I will be enrolled in college. college, people. 
• Maybe my GPA will actually be acceptable to put on a college application
• I am friends with almost no one that I was friends with last year. 
• All [most] of my friends are seniors or older. Isn't that sad? 
• Who would write a good letter of recommendation..
• Why did I just eat an entire pint of ice cream?
• I need a life

And the list goes on from there. This reflection made me anxious for a bit, but after realizing how many awesome things that are in store, I felt better. Fresher. Newer. Satisfied More open-minded. More inspired to get on with my life. 

xxx

A good outfit helps with a good mindset, right?

Taking Good With the Bad

Today was the slowest day at work I have ever had. The first day of nice weather had come, and no one wanted to be inside. In the five hours I worked, I waited on four groups. four. So naturally, we became bored, frustrated, and a little bit anxious. After we swept, mopped, restocked, bleached, and wiped every square inch of the restaurant, my coworkers and I ended up talking a bunch and really grew closer. In my mind, at least, we did. The server I worked with today, Annie, and I really bonded because we realized we are so much more alike than we had thought. 
We had so much in common:

• We both are studying existentialism and take an interest in it
• We both love poetry and philosophical literature
• We both had an awkward emo stage in middle school
• We both have met friends online
• We both make friends with the teachers no one else takes a liking to
• We both went to the same high school
• We both are pretty nerdy to an extent
• We both like good music 
• We both have good relationships with our parents 
• We both have serious cases of wanderlust 
• We both dislike exercise and very much like milkshakes 
• We both have similar mental states
• We both think tattoos should be timeless, unique, and cause people to question them

It was great. Despite the lack of money I made at work [my pay is heavily based on tips], I made a friend and that was really nice. Aside from bonding with Annie, I was also informed by Roxanne [the kitchen manager who I was certain hated me but actually just comes off that way] that I was the better-liked new girl. All in all, it was a fulfilling, almost fun day at work. It comes to prove that even in employment, money isn't everything.

xxx

Embarassment from dawn til dusk

Every so often, I have a day where I just embarrass myself more frequently than usual [I am the klutziest of klutzes].  Today was one of those days where every chair seemed to jump out at me, every liquid magically flew out of its container, and every slippery spot on the floor pulled me down with it. For your entertainment purposes, I have included a chronological list of the embarrassing things that have happened to me today as well as some fabulous pictures from my more awkward of years. Enjoy!

• Last night, I fell asleep watching full seasons of Parks and Recreation on Hulu. Nothing's worse than waking up to be reminded of your poor life choices. 
• I spent all morning until I had to work [at 4 p.m.] in the same clothes I slept in. My dad and sister made faces of disgust every time they walked by. I was really feeling the love this morning.
• I posted a video to Vine [a social networking site, similar to Instagram, but shows videos instead of still images] forgetting that I look like a hobo death in the morning. Sorry, followers, for scaring you so early in the day. Please forgive my jew-fro and lack of makeup.
• At work, I messed up a bunch really simple orders and pissed several people off. Way. To. Go. 
• While cleaning out the coffee dispensers, the water started splattering out of the faucet and I spilled boiling hot water all over myself and the ground. I had tiny burns all over my arms for a couple hours until they healed. 
• I left a menu sitting on the train set, so when the train came by, it derailed [surprise, surprise] and my manager almost got electrecuted by fixing it.
• I got hit with swinging kitchen door twice. Not a big deal, plus it gave my customers a chuckle. 
• Every Saturday, we carry the giant ice cream tubs into the deep freezer. My tiny arms and lack of upper body strength allows for me to only carry one tub at a time. After five trips across the restaurant, I'm pretty sure my coworkers and customers were entertained. 
• A [pretty attractive] guy came in to pick up a to-go order and he was wearing a full tuxedo [minus the jacket, if you cared] so I asked what prom he was going to. He was on his way to work at the nearby banquet hall, busing tables. I am seriously the worst. 
• After work, I came home and inhaled an entire container of orange chicken. Not embarrassing, just absolutely disgusting. 

xxx

Could I be any more 2008? I think not. 

In a fat suit and boy wig for Willy Wonka, my seventh grade school musical. Yes, I performed in front of peers in this attire. I still cringe thinking about it. 

WHY. I am happy my immature humor days are behind me.

                                         

No, past self, "planking" was never cool. Ever. 

                                   

Death ends a life, not a relationship

Today, one of best friends' grandfather passed away. I did not know him at all, but for some reason his passing really affected me. Not because of any personal connection [although I admire his being a World War II vet as well as a graphic artist and photographer] but because of the recalling of my past through his passing. I do not often consciously think about my relatives who have passed away [I have lost four grandparents in the past two years] but when a friend is going through the same thing I endured in the past, it brings back the vivid memories of hugs from strangers, continuous streams of food baskets, and tears shed in your pillow at night when you have dreams of the deceased relatives talking to you as if nothing ever happened.
 It seems like death is the end-all of end-alls but it isn't. I still feel the aura of my grandmother when I wear her fabulous vintage jewelry or eat her favorite foods from her famous recipe book. I still can hear my great grandfather laugh when I think of his favorite little songs or his silly anecdotes about my great grandmother. I still have a relationship with my deceased family members, and I hope my friend does as well. It helps get through days of grief. As one of my favorite authors, Mitch Albom [Tuesdays with Morrie, For One More Day, Have a Little Faith]  once said, "Death ends a life, not a relationship."
xxx

My great-grandparents Ida and Nathan Ross [Gigi and Papa]. They were two of the most humble, intelligent, and loving people I knew. They had children at a young age, so they served a grandparent role in my life.

My grandparents Louis and Ralph Behm [Grandma and Grandpa]. They were both antique dealers as a side job (my grandpa was an orthodontist) and loved to play dominoes and read with me. My grandpa is the biggest inspiration for me to do well in school. He is recovering from a stroke, but I still get to see him whenever I can. 

Junior slump or comeback of the year?

Right now, the end of April, is a rough time of the year. We juniors are trying to keep our grades up so our transcripts sparkle for our college applications, we are under the stress of taking our ACT and SAT tests, AP testing is in two weeks, my Publications staff is trying to [smoothly] wrap things up, and it seems as though every teacher has planned giant projects, tests, etc. on the same day. This is why I have gotten an average of 4 hours of sleep per night and I know my peers often get even less. It is all just trying to play the catch-up game, making sure everything gets turned in. I have had an interesting week, nonetheless, because when I am get extreme anxiety, my behavior changes quite a bit. 
For example: 

• I ate three doughnuts yesterday but only cantaloupe and carrots today
• I went to hot yoga in a 108 degree room even though I've been feeling sick
• I have worn the same black cardigan three days in a row [ssshh no one needs to know] 
• I ate 11 servings of mini chewy sweettarts [my guilty pleasure, which I stash in my bedroom] 
• I have recurring nightmares of my best friend getting killed
• I have recurring fantasy dreams of having unlimited frozen yogurt 
• I have painted my nails four times in 2 days
• My room is messier than I have ever seen it [I never go to bed with a super messy room] 
• I have been wasting my time looking at infographic blogs. INFOGRAPHIC BLOGS. procrastination has never looked so nerdy

Anxiety at its best, people.

xxx

The Invisible Sam

In my AP Literature class, we have delved in [starting off the week with 200 pages] of Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. The book is interesting enough, and I have taken to Ellison's use of ambiguous style and symbols. I do, however, find reading this novel ironic because over the past few years, I have been nicknamed "Invisible Girl" by some of my Harand friends. I relate to the narrator of the novel because of the way he is ignored in the streets and his longing to be noticed. It isn't that I am neglected by any means, I just simply blend into the background and my speech often gets passed over. Since becoming aware of this "invisibility" I have developed my unique fashion sense and passion for writing and photography to be noticed and it has worked. I am enjoying this book, its relatability [besides the fact that I am not a black, oppressed, adult man living in Harlem in the early 1900s], and the class itself. The class is small, discussion based, and a perfect chance for me to participate and, well, be noticed.
xxx

examples of my more outlandish clothing that takes away from my so called "invisibility"

One of my favorite people ever and I. She is the one who gifted me my "invisible girl" namesake.

Vin(heck-ya!)sa

Today, after a grueling day of ACT testing, I got home, finished all of my homework, bought a full tank of gas, and felt good about myself. I sat and gloated about how awesome I felt [despite the fact that I looked like a character straight out of the Walking Dead]. I also looked down at my slowly developing food baby and decided I needed exercise. Badly. My body image has been pretty negative recently so I decided, what the heck, I'll go to Vinyasa [Hot Yoga]. I texted my friend Bridget [who I go to for pretty much everything] and off we went. 
During yoga, we were told not to think about the troubles of the past and the stress of the future and to clear the mind. However, my mind was anything but clear. 
Here is a small collection of my thoughts during the class [keep in mind, it was 103 degrees in this studio]

• Maddie and Ashley [my coworkers who had mats directly behind me] are totally judging my frizzy hair and my dripping mascara right now
• never ever ever wearing makeup to hot yoga again
• What if everyone thinks the fart [that came from the girl one mat over] came from me?!
• My eyes everything burns from the sweat
• If I would stop sliding all over this stupid mat…
• Since when was I flexible?
• My eyes BURN
• This dollar store towel is rubbing little pieces of fabric all over me
• I can see the sweat dripping off of me
• Is Bridget still breathing?
• I seriously cannot inhale for so long
• Even my water bottle is sweating
• How is that girl's hair still in a perfect ponytail?
• I LOVE this song!!

Bottom line, my mind was anything but clear, but I got the workout of my life. I can't wait for next week!

xxx

spring, sun, and standardized tests

Tomorrow I take the ACT, the American College Test, which determines my achievement level and whether I go to Harvard or Ivy Tech. Not that extreme of course, but in my teenage eyes, it seems like the "make it or break it" test. I braced myself for tomorrow by making today a good day. I had my favorite courses (AP English, Government, and ACP Chemistry) and my favorite teache Mrs. Clark. I participated in Best Buddies after school, where I help out special needs kids with activities and building relationships. I treated myself to ice cream when I got home and did my homework outdoors.  I channeled Earth Day through a cute outfit and got my homework done on time. All in preparation for the hell that awaits me in E110 tomorrow from 7:15 to around noon. I know that this important test foretells my future and that I must do well (I have a goal of a 31, but who knows) and that if I perform my best, it will pay off in the end. College is scary and it seems as though one can never be as prepared as the next. I am trying to just take it one step at a time, enjoy myself every once and a while, and strive to be the best I can be. 
xxx

shirt, tank top, bracelet, and sunnies:  Urban Outfitters

My sister and I enjoying the sunny day by doing trigonometry homework and sharing laughs

Charli, sunbathing and providing distraction for my sister and I 

transparent, colorful, and looking toward a goal

Today, while procrastinating from studying for my ACT, I was perusing through design inspiration and ideas. After returning from Ball State journalism day [a day dedicated to educating high-school students on journalism through classes at the university] I was inspired to design all things journalism. When I arrived home [from a hellish 5 hour bus ride] I was surprised with the Adobe Creative Suite as a gift from my father.  This includes Indesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop, which are all the basics I need to start my path to my career as well as begin growing an idea for next year's yearbook [I am hoping to be editor-in-chief].  In my perusal, I came across some amazing designs, which I hope to recreate for practice. I was inspired and enlightened and I hope to "steal like an artist" [in the words of Emily Theis, an amazing designer I met at J-day]. That means learning from what the pros do and making it your own. Here are some of the designs that caught my eye:

I am in love with the transparency and the overlap of color. I think it is modern, chic, and fun to look at.

This design goes along with the transparency and color theme.  I love the repetition of the triangle bullet points and the simple sans serif text. So sexy, right? 

This immediately screamed YEARBOOK and I love the color that could play into the sections.  I love the simple and modern feel that still looks fun and easy to read.

Man, I just want to be editor-in-chief.  That is all. 
xxx

The less glamorous of days

Today I worked a five hour shift at the train-themed children's resteraunt I currently waitress at. To sum my day up in one word, it would have to be sticky. Sticky everything. Sticky tables, sticky plates, sticky babies with applesauce all of over themselves, sticky counters, sticky cups. Everything was covered in a coat of sticky. Children running around and playing with our interactive train sets made it worse when they touched everything with sticky, ice cream coated hands. But I am not complaining. I love my job and the kids I get to interact with [and the tips their parents leave] although I must say, getting in the shower and scrubbing off the coat of stickiness had to be the best feeling in the world. 

Having a job and the responsibility that comes with it is a great feeling.  I love not having to nag my parents for gas money and being able to shop without worrying about how I will pay my parents back.  I love making kids smile and allowing parents a chance to relax in a safe, monitored area. I love knowing that I can choose where I want to go to college because I will help pay for it. Working is definitely rewarding, but I do hope that I will move on from waitressing after high school and onto bigger and better things. 
xxx

A [sticky] child playing on our train set, which includes three trains that move at the push of a button

The train that brings out food to those who sit at the counter. To make it move, we use a remote control [a device that I am far from mastering. I somehow manage derail the train at least once a shift] 

one small step for Sam, one giant leap for Samkind

My first post. It feels as though I need to introduce myself, the characters in the story of my life, or my point of creating this blog.  To start, I am a junior in high school who is wise beyond her years. I think like an adult, love journalism, fashion, ballet, and I currently serve as a team leader on my school's publications staff. I like lists, straight lines, and lots of white space. But that is enough about me. 

I want to introduce the characters that help me develop the story of my life. 

First, my family:

• Father- David. An avid cyclist, opthomalogist, wine conoisseur, and fan of craft beer.  He is sensible, knows when I have stress, and is the best father one could ask for
• Mother- Nancy.  A bookworm, leader of community service, health food lover, and a fan of cuddling with our dog, Charli [description to come]. She and I have clashing personalities but we get along most of the time.  She juggles the various roles of chef, chauffeur, nurse, and mother, and fills the part perfectly. 
• Younger sister- Rachel. She is a freshman who loves all things athletic but has a taste for fashion. She and I are the best of friends and get along very well [most of the time]. Rachel will be on the publications staff next year, which makes me look forward to my senior year even more.
• Youngest sister- Elly. She is in seventh grade, and fills that role perfectly. She is on the dance team, is hopelessly infatuated with Justin Bieber, and is in the process of becoming a makeup "guru."  Even though she is growing into her teenager shoes, I still see her as a five-year-old who has permanent Oreo crumbs plastered on her tiny face.
• Puppy- Charli. By puppy, I mean nine-year-old elderly woman who is just too adorable to not be called a puppy. She enjoys laying out in the sun, watching comedies, and eating anything with a crunch. 

My family, post skydiving, in Israel, 2010

Next, my friend groups

• Publications- I am a part of a family of around 55 journalists and I love every second of it. We have two parents, like any "normal" family, and they are two of the most inspirational, intelligent, hilarious, and talented women I have ever met, who we lovingly call "Wad" and "VP." My best friends fall into this group, and we work extremely well together to produce award-winning yearbooks, newsmagazines, and a website that represents our school. We travel, damage small buses, stay up late, eat junk food, stress out, cry, scream, laugh, and love. It is the most peculiar, amazing thing. 

Our [very disfunctional] publications family at the annual Christmas extravaganza

• Theater- I am also a part of another family at my school: the theater family. I am involved in the musicals at school, and although I do not participate in every show, I am always welcomed back with open arms. Nothing's better than singing, dancing, and acting alongside my extremely talented peers.
• Harand Camp- I have been going to a family owned and run theater camp for the past ten years. There, I have learned how to sing, act, dance, make friendships, make beds, get along with others, and trust others. I have a deep love for this camp and the amazing family that runs it, and it is the sole place I feel 100% comfortable 100% of the time. I have made friends that have not been to camp in several years, yet I communicate with all the time. It is a truly fabulous place.

That is my life in bullet points [my favorite] and I know that my hobbies, favorite things, and style will come through within my posts. I hope to make this blog a window to my life through writing, fashion, and design.  I want to inspire others as well as motivate myself. I want to portray myself through my sophisticated style and frame of mind. 
xxx