advice from the sophisticated one herself

Recently, I have had a handful of people who come to me in want of advice or guidance or comfort of that nature. I have never been one to be the best handler of these situations, but as of the last couple months, I really enjoy it. If you know me in person, know that I am here for you, always. If you don't, contact me please! 
For those too shy/far away to talk to me in person:
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xxx

here are some photos along with little tips from me. enjoy!

celebrate good times with old friends. always make time for those who've been there since the beginning.

make new friends or connect with people you were never close with before. they might end up being your closest friends [or roomates for journalism nationals!!]

make the most of your workplace. I absolutely love every girl I work with and it makes the time go by so much faster. 

make friends in unexpected places! Robin is one of my closest friends and I met her through Best Buddies at my school. Having an extra chromosome is no barrier in our friendship. 

sometimes, you just need emergency chocolate. it's okay. accept it, eat it, and move on.

order chinese food and don't feel guilty about it. 

snapchat people who make you laugh. nothing beats opening snapchats from Nick and having your day made.

don't procrastinate. you will loathe yourself later. get 'er done. 

online shop for yourself, forget about it, and be super happy about the surprise on your doorstep! it's like your birthday, but you spend the money.  

hug a puppy. self explanatory. 

eat junk food [every once in a while] with friends. nothing makes you smile like MSG filled curly fries and the bloat as a result from pizza grease. 

wear your retainer. you'll feel better about yourself when you don't have to ask your parents for thousands of more dollars to get more dental work in the future.  a perfect smile beats any makeup.

be bffs with your siblings. who else will stick up for you when your parents are yelling about college/homework/life?

if you have the chance, order everything you can "mini." because mini grilled cheese is so much cuter than normal grilled cheese.

apply temporary tattoos to your 25 year old manager's biceps. because it's funny, that's why.

find things that make your heart sing and stare at them. I love typography. maybe you love watching hockey. whatever floats your boat. 

match with your sister so you can post cute pictures and make believe you are twins 

eat homemade Jewish cuisine when you are sad/sick/cold/tired/hungry

visit your friends at college so you can get gigantic s'more cookies from Insomnia Cookies. it'll change your life.

Friday I'm in love

Friday morning and I've already showered in the communal dorm bathroom, downed a vanilla chai tea at the dining hall, and gone on an all-campus tour of Boston University. While my friend is in class, I am camping out in the George Sherman Union while drinking latte #2 of today and blogging about how in love I am with this university. 

This trip has been one of independence and I couldn't be a happier prospective student. I flew from Chicago to Boston completely alone [for the first time] and have been exploring this beautiful city all day. In a city with 59 separate colleges and universities and a quarter million students, I've never felt so at home. The vibe of the city is so young and exciting and the aura of academia is one that I have been missing so much from my high school classes. Everyone here is happy and excited to learn. Even the professors are excited to teach. The class sizes are small but the impact is big. Boston alumni are some of the best leaders of the professional world. 

Also cute boys. ANYWAY.

I honestly can't think of a school that would fit me better. The city is hopping with local business and sports [THE WORLD SERIES TO BE SPECIFIC] and urban living and I just couldn't dream of anything better.

I have to get in. 

xxx

the good kind of senioritis

One of my best friends came home from school for the weekend and after I got out of school yesterday, we went to Starbucks [she is an addict, I'm an enthusiast] to catch up. We talked for hours about college and sophistication and how great higher education is. 
Needless to say, I'm ready to get out of high school.
Her excitement and enthusiasm about her gender studies classes and communication focus is invigorating. She is majoring in journalism [as I plan to] and loves every second of it. She explained to me that in college, you are always studying what you love and it makes it 100x easier to have a drive to try harder. 
My friend and I are very similar in that we are mature, very right-brained, and have a love for learning. Her new-learned excitement, feminist beliefs, and knowledge makes my itch to get out of high school even worse. I never realize just how restricting high school is until I talk to those who've gotten out. In high school, students of all different interests, learning styles, and personalities are shoved together in required classes. I love high school, don't get me wrong, but as I learn more about the opportunities that await me, I get more and more eager for a higher education.
I talked about this topic today with the teacher I aid for. We have very similar beliefs as well, and she is just as excited for my future as I am. She is always giving me pieces of feminist literature, challenging novels, and truly amazing advice. She tries daily to make my high school experience less monotonous and more educationally stimulating. It's refreshing to have such amazing women in my life to help me along, pave me the way, and excite me about all that awaits me after graduation.
xxx

Be a Wo[man]

As I may have mentioned before, I am a teacher aid for my former AP English teacher, who happens to have similar feminist views and opinions as I do. She told her class at the beginning of the hour that she was in a terrible mood and that she would not be "taking any one's bullshit" today. She has a tastefully colorful language when she is in the right mood. 

When she sat down at her desk to let the class work on their assignment, I asked her what put her in such a bad frame of mind. She expressed to me that at lunch, some other teachers were completely bulldozing over her opinions and not taking anything she said seriously. When she tried to be assertive and stand up for herself, the reaction was negative. She feels as if because she is a woman, she came off as "bitchy." If she were a man, they might have saw her action as powerful and confident. 

This got us talking about how, in 2013, views on powerful, strong woman are so backward. How woman are still being paid less [in both attention and money] and how female entertainers are just now being recognized for their music, not just the fact that they are women. How people, adult professionals in particular, could treat a co-worker with such terrible disregard. 

We took a walk after class and discussed the topic further. She told me the story about how her 11 year old daughter expressed her interest in being President, but put aside her dreams because "there can't be a girl president." My teacher told her otherwise and they moved on. That little girl has awesome dreams. She's got my vote.

I think having a positive female role model in one's life is important, because without insight from someone of your own gender, one never knows right from wrong. That little girl would go on her whole life thinking that she has no chance of breaking into a male-dominated field of work. I would go one thinking that I was alone in many of my views. Girls all over the world need to start speaking up. I'm telling you- be assertive. Be confident. If you were a man you wouldn't be scared to do so right? 

My rant for the night is over.

xxx

late night epiphanies

Ever since my freshman year, when I looked up to the seniors in the theater program, I wanted to be the head of some sort of organization [not necessarily theater] and have freshmen [like me at the time] really look up to me as a role model. I wanted to leave my school better than how I came into it and I was dead-set on having some sort of positive influence on others. I was never sure where I would end up exactly. Until tonight, I was pretty sure I would fail to reach my goal. I have had this feeling lately that I would make a mediocre yearbook, graduate, and be completely forgotten about. No one remembers someone who did not make an impact.
Tonight, 12 hours after I arrived at school in the morning, I was sitting at my desk, grumbling over some sort of yearbook mishap that had fallen upon me at that moment. Outside the room was a parent meeting for our upcoming trip to the NSPA/JEA convention in Boston. Some of the staffers came into our room to be with the editors and team leaders while their parents sat in on the meeting. One by one, they trickled to my desk, sat at my little "visitor" chair or on the floor or on the adjacent desk and just watched me work. I chatted with them simultaneously and it made everything better. Those kids are some of the brightest, most creative, funniest kids I've ever met and I am so honored to call them my friends. They reflect on the entire staff. I stand firm to my claim that the publications staff is truly the best and brightest group of people in the school. These kids sat and watched and learned from my work. We talked about editorship and what it takes to do the job. My advice: "It takes very little experience and very much time and effort." I told them about my very minimal journalistic training and how what you know going into the job matters much less than one thinks. They said they felt "inspired" and "happy" just chilling with me in my little corner of the classroom I call home. In their eyes, I could see the future of the yearbooks to come. I could see the determination and creativity and ingenuity. I could see a better publication. I had left a mark. I would be remembered by the kids who will take my place when I leave. My high school goal was complete. 
xxx

Does the end justify the means?

I aid for one of favorite teachers' World Literature class, and not too long ago they were discussing Sophocles, one of my favorite philosophers [yes, I have a favorite philosopher.] One of Sophocles' most famous ideas is the question as to if the ends justify the means. Is the work you put in worth it in the end? Are the decisions you make now beneficial in your outcome? 

This idea was brought into mind while I was sweeping and mopping the restaurant I work at. Every night we clean until the restaurant sparkles, only to have it completely disgusting the next night. And we do it over and over again. Do the ends justify the means? The answer is yes. No customer wants to eat in a mediocre-looking restaurant with dirty floors. So that's that.

But this mindset has been much more relevant and thought-provoking in my everyday life. Every night I stay up late working on homework or designing yearbook yearbook pages. At school, I'm often sleepy and not fully 'there." I take naps after school that last hours and hours. Does the end justify the means?

I'm not sure they do. The yearbook pages I put so much time into are awful and boring. My beautiful, creative, visually exciting visions are not coming across on the page. My grades are nowhere near what I wish they would be. My college essays keep getting put off. My perfectly organized life is falling off of its axis. I feel alone in this strange whirlwind of failures, but I know I'm not. I am 109 pounds of pure anxiety.

When will the end justify the means? Maybe it's when the yearbook is published and I'm happy with how it looks. Maybe it's when I get into the college of my choice and can finally let down my guard. Maybe it's when this year is over and I never have to deal with the anxiety I find in high school. Maybe the end won't justify the means and I graduate just as frustrated and anxious as I am now. 

Who knows.

xxx

Homecoming

After a stressful, less-than-fun day at school, I was not looking forward to the homecoming game. At all. In my previous blog posts, I discussed my social situation [or lack thereof] and my stress of trying to have fun at this momentous event in my senior year. 

Well, tonight I learned that old friends are golden friends, and that some people are just inherently good. 

My friends from middle school are the sweetest, smartest, prettiest, kindest girls I know, and throughout high school we have kind of drifted. I explored new groups of friends and they stuck together. 

At homecoming, these girls took me in and it was as if nothing had changed. We were laughing until we cried, eating really unhealthy food, and just being the weird kids we always were. It was fantastic. I haven't acted like myself as much as I did tonight. I felt so very alive.

So my advice to you, reader, is never burn bridges. That key group of friends will always be there for you, even if months and years go by since you have talked to them. They will always be the best friends you can possibly have [in my case at least] and won't judge you for anything. Never cut connections because you never know when you will be back with those first friends, the people there for you since the beginning. 

xxx

[pictures will be posted asap, I used film that needs to be developed]

pressure

They say you can't have too much of a good thing. I have to disagree. What if the good things cause stress and headaches and tears even though you know it will be worth it in the end?

The pressure's on.
college, work, yearbook, homework, family time, social life.
work work work.
you can't escape it because it's always hovering.
you can't sleep because you are thinking.
thinking thinking thinking.
you can't focus because every other little stress is coming down on you.
hard.
and your back hurts and you head hurts and your heart hurts because you have too much of a good thing.
there's no time.
time time time.
no time in the day to fit every little thing in. 
no time in your life to be on top of your game. 
no time for productive writing of essays.
no time to sit around and let your ideas float around on a page.
no time to get homework done early and efficiently.
no time to eat family dinner, watch family movies, or take part in the family jokes. 
no time to have friends.
I'm up late every night. Not because I'm being productive. It's because my stress migraines won't cease and my mind is a static television screen. Fuzzy and loud and full of pieces of random information. stresses. 

so here's the thing: this is not healthy. it just isn't. so I have found things that make me feel better. less stressed. more relaxed. truly at peace with myself. I urge you to do the same. 

• go to bed earlier.
• find something that brings you to peace within yourself [vinyasa yoga is my new obsession, an hour of freedom from myself]
• read a book. for pleasure, not for school. My English teacher and I have been exchanging favorite books back and forth, and it's really brought me to a pleasant state of mind.
• let things go. sometimes you just have to skip out on studying for a quiz. occasionally take a long nap. sleep in. eat ice cream if you feel like it. you'll be a happier person, I promise. 

xxx

included below are pictures of things that make me happy and stress free. take lots of pictures of happy things so when you flip through your phone you can have reasons to smile. 

Dr. Deen

He wore snakeskin boots and giant belt buckles. His house was full of ivory and gold and quartz. His salt and pepper hair smelled strong of cologne. His dark skin resembled our leather recliner. He always came over bearing mangoes and beautiful ceramic gifts for my sisters and I. His thick Indian accent was inimitable and his laugh was contagious. His 89 year old little body was a powerhouse. Short, stocky, and full of life, he was a successful opthomalogist. He refused to ever stop seeing patients until he was completely unable to work. He was my father's mentor, his partner, and his best friend. He started their practice decades before my father was born. He loved our family more than anything, but we were never allowed to call him "Chris." He was Dr. Deen. He was one of the first people to hold us as newborns. He danced at every Bat Mitzvah, celebrated every birthday, and never missed a beat. He had an iPhone before I did. He has never had anything alcoholic to drink. He raised his grandsons. He was definitely the coolest 89 year old around. He never stopped running. 
Until this weekend.
He wasn't feeling too well, so he checked himself into the immediate care clinic at the building in which he worked. They examined him, ran some tests, and put him in a room because he tested positive for Pneumonia. He figured it was nothing and wasn't worried at all. He tried to sleep it off and get better as soon as possible.
Now he's in the ICU and is having great trouble with his lungs.
My dad said he's not getting better. He visited Dr. Deen multiple time throughout the past couple days and I haven't seen him so sad since his own grandfather passed away. 
Seeing people like Dr. Deen grow old and sick and sad makes me feel older than ever. Dr. Deen was always around, but life is short and people pass on. I am older too. My parents are growing older. My sisters are no longer cute little kids and my biggest worries are not about petty things anymore. Dr. Deen is living proof of living life to its fullest. He teaches a good lesson to everyone about how to take every minute you have, do what you love, and be satisfied in the end. 
I am not a very spiritual person, but if you could include Dr. Deen in your prayers tonight, it'd mean a ton to my family and his.
xxx

insight from the outside [of the cliques]

I have friends at school. I know I do. In every class, I never have the problem of being alone because I'm relatively friendly and outgoing when I feel like it. I say hello to acquaintances in the hallway. I do have lots of friends. My problem, however, is that I have no friend "groups." I don't have a central "clique" of friends [my main group went away to college]. This never really bothered me yet this year because I am very independent and I don't feel that I need people around me to be secure. 
Well now it is starting to bother me. Whether it is the stress of not being able to put a funny nickname on the back of my Senior Girls t-shirt [why would I put something that no one else will find funny or "inside"?] or the sadness that comes along with going to my senior homecoming without any senior friends, I just feel a little bit empty. Like my senior year isn't worth as much. It's sad to think that I might leave high school without a close group of friends my own age. Or that I probably won't go to any of the four school dances. Or that I am a part of this group that is notoriously close [publications] but even though I am an editor, I am not really a member of the exclusive "group." I have friends all over, but they each have their own "groups." And there's me. I eat lunch alone every single day. I don't make plans on the weekends. I make myself very busy so I don't have to think about the empty inbox in my text messages or the silence I face when I walk into the publications room every morning. I wander from friend to friend, but at the end of the day, they all go back to their little groups and I go home and eat chocolate and geek out over graphic design and literature. I hope this is not how I end up at the end of the year. I hope that I look back at this with some sort of "group" and laugh at how lonely and sad I was. I hope that maybe I will become less unliked [for no reason]. I hope that maybe, at some point, I have fun [socially] my senior year. If not, I might just go insane. 
xxx