Does the end justify the means?

I aid for one of favorite teachers' World Literature class, and not too long ago they were discussing Sophocles, one of my favorite philosophers [yes, I have a favorite philosopher.] One of Sophocles' most famous ideas is the question as to if the ends justify the means. Is the work you put in worth it in the end? Are the decisions you make now beneficial in your outcome? 

This idea was brought into mind while I was sweeping and mopping the restaurant I work at. Every night we clean until the restaurant sparkles, only to have it completely disgusting the next night. And we do it over and over again. Do the ends justify the means? The answer is yes. No customer wants to eat in a mediocre-looking restaurant with dirty floors. So that's that.

But this mindset has been much more relevant and thought-provoking in my everyday life. Every night I stay up late working on homework or designing yearbook yearbook pages. At school, I'm often sleepy and not fully 'there." I take naps after school that last hours and hours. Does the end justify the means?

I'm not sure they do. The yearbook pages I put so much time into are awful and boring. My beautiful, creative, visually exciting visions are not coming across on the page. My grades are nowhere near what I wish they would be. My college essays keep getting put off. My perfectly organized life is falling off of its axis. I feel alone in this strange whirlwind of failures, but I know I'm not. I am 109 pounds of pure anxiety.

When will the end justify the means? Maybe it's when the yearbook is published and I'm happy with how it looks. Maybe it's when I get into the college of my choice and can finally let down my guard. Maybe it's when this year is over and I never have to deal with the anxiety I find in high school. Maybe the end won't justify the means and I graduate just as frustrated and anxious as I am now. 

Who knows.

xxx