a newfound love

I have been involved in theater all 4 years of high school. I have never had a lead role, never had a group of theater friends, and every post-show dinner had been spent at a little table with a few acquaintances. I never fully understood why people called the cast their "theater family' because I never established such a passionate love for those with which I shared the stage.
In the show I am currently in, Zombie Prom, the cast is unlike any other. There is no drama. No one is rude or self-righteous. We all share a common bond in that we put on this show in record-breaking time. We stand as one. I honestly have never felt so strongly [in the most positive way] about a school play.
And tonight, my opinion has only been elevated to a new height.
I was sitting in a local diner at a table full of people I have become so close to this year. I was laughing until my voice went hoarse. I had never felt such a sense of love for people of all ages, genders, and personalities. Sitting in the middle of that long table was something I never got to do when our theater company used to be so divided and cliquey. Tonight, I surrounded myself with the witty, adorable, talented people I love and I have never felt happier. It was bliss.
I often wish I had met this year's cast sooner because it feels like just as I am getting ready to graduate, these amazing people come into my life. I, however, would not have it any other way. The short time we have left together will be sweeter, the laughs more hearty, and the sense of love more powerful. This cast is my family and when this show is over, I am confident I will keep my close relationship with them. If not, I might just go mad with theater withdrawal. 

my a[musing] lifestyle

   In my English class, we are learning the Romantics period, the time in which everything changed from ways of living to industry to literature to art. In this period, some of the most influential and talented writers came to be. 

   During this time, poetry was no longer inspired by divine muses or specific topics. Poetry covered everything. Poets drew inspiration from common instances in the world around them. They inspired themselves. This philosophy really resonated with me. Inspire yourself. Become your own muse.

    I have recently tried living in this mentality, and I have to say, I have become such a happier person. At the gym, I run faster and longer because it makes me feel good, not because 6-pack-Sally is staring me down from across the elliptical row. My yoga practice has deepened from a simple form of exercise to a truly meditative device in which my stress is lifted and my soul is revived. My style has changed from imitations of what I find on fashion blogs to anything that feels "me" that day. My diary entries are less superficial and I have stopped caring what others think entirely. It's a fearless feeling that has taken me years to develop.  

   I decided that taking a break from the exhausting quest to find my "inspiration" has lead me to the muse that inspires me the most: myself. 
xxx

Stuck

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a rut? 
Recently, I've felt like I've been stuck in the deepest, muddiest, stickiest rut one can imagine. 
   I wake up every morning with next to no motivation to go to school. I feel too misanthropic for my own good. It often seems like the majority of the people in my school have opinions on feminism that clash with mine, even though I strongly stand my moral ground. So sometimes I speak out.
   When I do, I feel like I often come across as defensive, condescending, or "too outspoken." It's times like these where I feel like Public Enemy for having my own opinions, for defending things I truly care about. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but one of my biggest fears is burning bridges with people I genuinely like. When those friends of mine hold views that I see as wrong, it makes me upset and the cycle starts over.
   I don't know what to do about my problem. Do I sit down, shut up, and let everyone else carry on with their misogynistic, close-minded ways? Or do I speak up and defend myself, taking the backlash with a grain of salt?              
   It seems that either course of action I take, I'm left crying myself to sleep, questioning my self-worth, wondering if this was how the greatest activists in history felt in their teenage years. I dread going to school to face insulting and sexist attitudes. I dream of a day where I won't have to be the odd one out for believing in true equality. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but when my peers' actions and words make me question the morality of my generation, I feel stuck again. Stuck in a big 'ol rut. 
xxx

If you ever feel the same way or want to talk to me about feminism [or want to talk to me about anything at all] feel free to contact me. I thrive on discussion and education and I totally want to start some sort of virtual "club" about gender equality. Let me know if you are interested or if you just want to talk in general. 
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